I’m proud of myself for leading my first workshop on Authentic Power with the Junior League of Palo Alto at their annual Bloom retreat this past weekend! I was nervous that my ego might get in the way and shut me down from giving. I had so much fear around becoming a deer in headlights and blacking out. And more than anything, if that happened, then who the hell was I to teach this topic? Shame sure is always at the root of the things that keep us back from brushing up against our growth edges.
I had a couple of choices.
I could have used my will to shift into overdrive, completely ignore my internal sirens, and lead the talk and exercises with forced energy. I could have avoided sharing my own disempowered real life experiences and turned it into a performance, spewing information out quickly, making no room for anyone to threaten my worth. This is called external power. The kind that burns you out and is never sustainable because it’s unrealistic. Because I know this kind well, it’s caused me to lose both my health and wealth, I’ve had to believe in another way to be the creator of my life.
So instead, I chose not to reject my vulnerability. I gave myself permission to accept whatever showed up and for that to be good enough. I let my nerves scream without turning on the switch to my adrenaline. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, the fear evaporated so quickly, making room for me to feel grounded, connected and grateful to be standing in the charming sunlit Victorian room sharing my heart with the community.
I knew my work was complete when an attendee looked me in the eyes and said, “thank you for reminding us of who we are.” Don’t ever forget that we always have a choice of how we want to be in this world. You are enough, however you are, right now.