I have to call bullshit on the old “follow your joy” advice. Many of my clients—and I—have noticed the same pattern: the closer we step toward what we’re truly here to do, the louder doubt, fear, and resistance become. It’s not just uncertainty—it feels existential. If this doesn’t work, then who am I?

We want to believe that moving toward our desires should feel good, exciting, and effortless. And when it doesn’t, we assume we’re doing something wrong—or that we’re not ready. The truth is, nothing about living into our purpose is meant to feel easy all the time. The restlessness and the friction? That’s the process. It’s how we grow and learn to embody the value of what we have to give.

Top small business entrepreneur Codie Sanchez recently said on a podcast that what determines the success of an entrepreneur isn’t just skill—it’s how much pain they’re willing to tolerate while moving forward anyway. Growth requires confronting your wild emotions and habitual resistance. To harness the drive to create something meaningful, you have to be willing to feel it all and still step forward anyways.

Ego Desire vs. Authentic Desire

Too often, people want certainty before committing. How successful will this be? What if I fail? But that’s ego desire talking about what you want to get—money, recognition, comfort, approval. Authentic desire isn’t about outcomes. It’s about the type of person you want to become. I’ve learned that entrepreneurship really is a journey of transformation, growth, and embodiment.

At my core, I long to connect deeply and move people – to guide a community of creatives, help others reconnect to themselves, express beauty through style and home, and cultivate relationships rooted in presence and collaboration.

Stepping into that desire hasn’t been easy. Hosting workshops, leading group courses, and speaking publicly has been uncomfortable. There’s been times I’ve had to admit I’m scared, let myself be seen fumbling, and pause to reground.

I’ve vented to friends, questioning why I even do it. And the answer I always come back to is simple: manifestation isn’t just wishful thinking. It’s unblocking every part of you that resists. That resistance is exactly what proves desire is alive. That’s why it doesn’t always feel good.

What truly matters to me is living my values fully—creating, connecting, and leading in ways that inspire others to do the same. I want my work and expression to feel alive, to awaken and expand creativity in others, and to live my truth as a form of art—in the way I dress, style my home, and show up in the world.

If you didn’t have to worry about money, who would you want to become?

The Pain vs. Pleasure Principle

Tony Robbins talks about a concept that helps explain why desire shows up so differently for different people: the pain vs. pleasure principle.

Some people are primarily motivated to move toward pleasure. They thrive on ease, joy, and excitement. Their energy flows naturally toward what brings them fulfillment. Desire feels effortless, even playful. Pleasure-seekers are inspired by what they can create, rather than what they want to avoid. Light, airy energy often thrives on ideas, inspiration, and flow—but without testing or acting, it can get stuck in dreaming, indecision, or attachment.

Others —like me—are primarily motivated to move away from pain. They feel desire first as intensity, tension, and sometimes heaviness. Their nervous system scans for discomfort and acts when things become too uncomfortable to tolerate. They experience desire in the body as heat, friction, or pressure. Deep, catalytic energy needs to push, test, and engage to know what’s truly real and alive — and to trust in more moments of openness and flow along the way.

Neither is better or worse—they’re simply different wiring. Your energy determines how desire shows up in your life. Do you tend to move towards pleasure and avoid pain or do you move towards pain and doubt your pleasure?

Show Up in Your Own Way

No matter which way you lean, authentic desire requires a commitment to showing up fully even when you’d rather run away. Many people tiptoe around, coming up with big ideas, “testing the waters,” or waiting until everything feels ready. But clarity and transformation come through commitment, day after day.

I often advise clients to think of a commitment as something with a clear output over a set period. Not just “post on social media,” but post every day for 30 days —like Simone Seol’s infamous Garbage Challenge. There’s a reason it works: your nervous system needs proof that it’s safe to trust your desire. You can’t just tell it; you have to show it. Baby steps—even if awkward, challenging, or imperfect—are what build trust and momentum.

Authentic desire isn’t just about manifesting things. It’s about manifesting you: your gifts, your energy, your voice, your presence. It asks you to take the intensity or lightness of your longing and make it visible in the world. Fear may hold you tight, but authentic desire will always tug on your heart — and pull you home to yourself.