It was 2 am on a Sunday night, and my body felt like a lightning bolt had struck it. My thoughts raced, my throat burned, my stomach churned, and suddenly I was sweating. What the hell is happening?

The past few months had been full—closing my vintage shop, committing fully to coaching, traveling more than usual—and my nervous system had been swinging between extremes. Some nights were electric, full of downloads and energy. Other nights, I was curled up in bed, sobbing that I’ll never be able to have what I want, questioning: what do I even want?

That particular night, I was furious. If you saw pictures from the weekend, it looked nourishing from the outside—sunshine, lattes, yummy food, long walks, people I love—but inside I felt lonely, hopeless, raw.

All weekend, my shadow had been doing its job: doubting my needs, trying to prove myself, keeping my anger tucked into my body, smoothing over discomfort. But now, the rage wasn’t just anger. It was a tender, raw part of me demanding to be seen, heard, and honored. Something was breaking through—a desire to move, feel alive, and be acknowledged in new ways.

WHEN THE SHADOW SURFACES

Transitions stir new layers of our shadow. Being around other people can trigger it too- especially when energy clashes, or when we feel unseen or unheard.

But the timing made sense, as we step into more visibility, more love, more abundance, the psyche fights back as hard as it can to resist change.

Our shadow, otherwise known as our ego, is wired to protect what it knows. It pushes us into fight- overdrive, control, reactivity- or locks us into freeze- shutting down, avoidance, self-doubt, or imposter syndrome.

Sometimes it whispers: You’ll be rejected. Don’t bother. You’re not enough. No one wants what you have. Other times it demands: Work harder. Prove yourself. Push through. Control everything- if you stop, it will all fall apart.

It’s not about fighting it, ignoring it, or letting it run the show. Shadow is just one part of you—not your whole story.

Sometimes the energy breaks through on its own, sparking transformation. Other times, if you shine a light on it and meet it with curiosity, it can mature with your loving presence.

MEETING THE EXILE

The exile is the raw, abandoned part of you—too intense, too bright, too real, too sensitive—stuffed away because it once scared you or others. The shadow protects those tender parts, keeping them safe until you’re ready to care for them wisely.

That night, lying in bed wide awake, I met my exile. A familiar, rebellious energy I’d remembered from high school, appeared at the edge of my mind—arms crossed, glaring.

Instead of silencing or fixing her, I asked: What do you need? She pulsed with frustration, and a few rude words. I need to be seen. I need space. I need my fire to be heard. I held that truth gently. I acknowledged it, validated it, and let it move through me instead of against me. I got up, grabbed a drink of water, and shook the energy out through my arms and legs.

Underneath the rage, I felt clarity—energy that had been stuck was becoming fuel. I realized this part of me wasn’t just demanding to be seen; it wants to connect, inspire, and invite people into creative change with humility and presence. It just needs the right outlets to move freely, without asking friends or family to carry it.

LIVING FROM RECLAIMED ENERGY

Shadow isn’t here to destroy us. It’s here to protect the parts of us we haven’t yet recognized or learned to care for. When we witness, understand, and offer compassion, what it’s guarding can grow and mature.

For me, this means tracking moments where my energy feels blocked, where opportunities feel heavy, or where I struggle to step fully into what I want. These are clues that some part of me is holding back—wanting to be seen, understood, and acknowledged by me before it can soften and shift.

When we honor the energy behind our shadow—our frustration, longing, and boldness—it becomes fuel. Fuel to move, create, and show up in the world, even while the work is still in progress.

No more abandoning ourselves. Being truly alive means meeting ourselves fully, noticing the signals, and channeling our raw energy to move, inspire, and create exactly as we are, in every moment. That’s why I’m hitting post on this piece.

This is the essence of the work I guide people through: a fluid, compassionate journey to meet all the parts of yourself—both the ones that feel too big, too raw, or too much, and the ones that feel small, scared, or not enough.

Together, we explore your energy, uncover the blocks that hold you back, and transform them into your greatest source of power—moving from stuck, uncertain, or overwhelmed to grounded, aligned, and fully alive.

Curiosity and courage are already within you. If this resonates and you feel ready to explore your energy, I’d love to work with you.