Being vulnerable one-on-one feels safer to me than in a group where you’re not getting real time feedback if what you’re sharing is being received. I naturally tend to share how I’ve made sense out of objective frameworks to bring meaning and empowerment into my own life. A part of me wishes it was logical but it’s usually not at all because I’d rather honor our uniqueness. My gift is extending an invitation to live in the unknown with me.
Fear around your style plus, wanting to please makes for an internally triggering concoction. Thank god for my love of parts work (IFS therapy), it helped me access my higher self this weekend.
I led my second workshop on “how to create abundance in your every day life” at a wellness retreat down in Menlo Park. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to stretch my limits and was excited to share the energetics of gratitude and the survival emotions that keep us from tapping into it, along with a 2023 photo reflection and journal exercise. This stuff is the foundation of my coaching practice and heart.
I felt so uncomfortable the morning of, doubting whether I had enough energy to do something like this given my up and down journey with Lyme this year. And I’m only seeing in hindsight how tricky our little parts can be. I’ve been building trust with my manager part who in a circumstance like this would try to run the show by over preparing and running off adrenaline. Back in the day, I’d be sweating on stage. But I’ve been tending to this part of me closely this year and she’s on vacation. So the firefighter part of me rushed in drained the sensation in my feet, caused my vision to get blurry and alerted the brain fog to pour in. I lost foucs on what I wanted to give to others in search of what I needed to find for myself.
Before I got up to lead, there was a 15 minute guided meditation with another leader. It could not have been better timing! I forget how powerful sitting with and accepting all the conflicted parts can be. It’s how we can see that we’re something greater than the voices. The activation shifted and I popped out of my seat and got to it. I felt my feet on the ground, the energy swirling in my core and spoke from that rooted place. I am safe in my power and my heart. Hearing the conviction in my own voice comforted my nervous system and I felt exhilarated!
More than anything, proud of myself for showing up authentically no matter what that was going to be in the moment. My mom sent me the sweetest text the morning of that said, “you’ll do great because you practice what you preach”. Which is the truth, proud to be perfectly imperfect me.